Last night was a hot threesome. Tonight I met even more hot babes. Tomorrow, who knows? Sometimes kinky, always entertaining. Welcome to my crazy world.
Here, have a seat. Take your coat off. What would you like for a drink? I hope you don't mind the chicks smoking over there, turning the sensuality of it into a fetish, talking and looking over your way. They've already checked out the smoking fetish pics and written erotica and maybe even busted a gut over the adult humor.
Here's your private pass, a ringside seat for you to enjoy all kinds of sexy naughtiness. Welcome to an Erotic Life.
-All names given are anonymous to protect them.
It was just another day arriving home from work; not unlike any other. Thoughts had filled my mind all day about my wife. That smile of hers, the way her hair framed her face and ran down her back. The way she wore the tight dresses sometimes and the way they seemed to raise her DD tits upwards. I was a happy hubby, a lucky one, matter of fact. And it was on this day that carnal thoughts came into being, even at work. She was already on the bed, spread out and on her stomach, enjoying a 120 cigarette and watching a new DVD release in our bedroom. She was perched on both elbows and the cigarette smoke rose to the ceiling leisurely. I noticed the vacuum cleaner still plugged in when we said our hellos. She asked about my day and smiled, eyes glued to the television, when I ran my hand down her back, ending on upturned butt. God, what a nice butt. I yanked the tie off and fiddled with it, noticing how the movie was just another chick flick. Chicks are fine. In fact, I..Read more >>
The L.A. City Council passed a one-year moratorium on sex in public places, citing disease and moral issues. What do you think?
Samantha Orca Systems Analyst Just as long as they don't go overboard and take away my Pussy Stretcher 9000.
Tommy Kendala Shop MechanicOh great. Now the cute librarian and I can't use the fifty-yard-line anymore. Steve Honororo Toilet EngineerFirst it's sex, next it will be channel changers. When will it end? Isn't this discrimination against men?
If you frequent a lot of blogs, you've probably noticed one organization that tries to spread itself on the back of other blogs, showing highlights of written, clickable erotica amidst ads (their ads). You are told you have to show this stuff on your blog and gee, you just might get more views. Rocco doesn't sell out space for other bloggers. Call me old fashioned, but if you want to read another blog, you go there, right? All of my text content is original. I don't "copy" other blogs. My readers are happy getting a dose of real Rocco and judging from the increasing views, I thank you all for that. Movieroom is over there on the side because I like their high quality vids and think you would, too. If you're not digging those high-quality scenes, fantasize with some of my erotic writing or check out the hundreds of pics in the Photo Album.
Climax, OH- Known slut Tiffany Rodriguez was put to the test the other night, but the results were disappointing. "I kept thinking she was going to be a good lay," said Howard Mushbaum, a neighbor. "The whole neighborhood knows how much of a cockslut she is. You'd think she would put some knowledge to use." Mushbaum finally got his chance last Tue. night at the theater parking lot, in the corner of Aisle 5B. "It took her about 4 gulps of Boone's Farm and we found ourselves in the backseat. She did a fast blowjob, telling me not to cum in her mouth, before we finally got going. The chick just laid there." The school principal, Steve Myers, confirmed. "She came on heavy to me, once. I was reticent, but finally gave in after seeing those double-Ds bust loose after cheerleading practice and under the bleachers. Balled her good, but she didn't seem to be into it." When asked about Tiffany, the entire football squad grimaced and gave a thumbs-down. When asked for her side of the..Read more >>
"I want it.. give it to me Rocco.. give me all of it.. lose yourself.. and don't hold back because I won't stop begging until you're giving me everything you have."
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to people or places is purely coincidental.
A square mile of chrome and glass shone in the bright sun and you’d swear it was a car dealership if it wasn’t for the grass. Or that most of the cars were forty years old. Rolling hills and thick forests surrounded the whole clearing and it was a perfect spot for a car-enthusiast’s gathering. The carnival nearby over-played the music through distorted speakers and young kids ran to the next ride over hot concrete. MILFs walked with their friends, nonchalant and thrusting their chests almost arrogantly forward. Single moms pushed their strollers and you knew most of the women wanted a ride but not from a carnival. Rex kept one eye on a redhead mom but the other one watched the baby with the ice cream more intently. He didn’t spend hours on the wax job for his classic car and have it ruined by bubblegum ice cream. Years of experience exhibiting auto masterpieces taught him to watch the fans more..Read more >>
A donkey, blonde, and a minister will walk into a bar this week, order three stiff drinks, and talk about the greatest sex they've ever had in one of the most rehashed jokes in existence.
Taurus Apr 20 - May 20
They say you look like a porcelain goddess, but Fast Eddie tried to break you into a million pieces last night in the back seat.
Gemini May 21 - Jun 21
With Pluto ascending, the stars see you running out of lube at JUST the wrong moment.
Cancer Jun 22 - Jul 22
The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you put one leg up, and shake it all about.
Leo Jul 23 - Aug 22
Remember: We are all alike, and on one Earth, united. But the busty blonde neighbor always liked your brother more than you.
Virgo Aug 23 - Sep 22
The next time you're going to use a banana on your girlfriend, make sure she doesn't bring along her pet chimp named Squiffy.
Libra Sep 23 - Oct 23
Saturn rises in conjunction with the moon this week, making you watch a marathon..Read more >>
Climax, OH-A recent study suggests getting it on may increase a person's mental function. Out of 69 people tested in the "Focus On Fucking" group, 18 scored significantly better when tested on math and cognizant abilities after a furious, vodka-induced orgy of limbs and flesh. 14 appeared to be in a trance-like condition and could not hold a pencil. The 6 highest scorers comprised two groups of MFF and FFM threesomes and scored well in oral reporting and finger-dexterity. When asked, 98% said further research was needed before conclusive results could be established.
I know a lot of you think pornstars just make a bunch
of money under the table and never pay the Taxman. That's not true. I
pay my fair share of taxes. After lining up all my tax forms, I
make sure I've picked "head" of household for the correct tax rate. I
think it has a nice ring to it, don't you? For deductions, I figure in
all the skanks that have lived with me, and so what if the number is
upwards of 15 or so, right? Just followin' the rules, man. I
supposed I should include all the special clothes I'm required to wear
and never get reimbursed for. Those marble-bag Speedos would get
laughed at, though, and I also won't include the sequined boxers that
say "Boom!" on them, either. Be that as it may, I always make sure I
take a tax-credit for the gallons of lube and cases of Reddi Wip a
well-equipped porn stud needs. Which form do I use for that? Form
Fed-69? The trouble starts when the ho tries to claim me on their taxes. Fucking bitches..Read more >>
My boyfriend never pays much attention to me. I mean, we'll go see a movie or something and he'll look at other girls! And he never pays me any attention. At all. Sure, he likes to get it on with me, but only when HE wants to. How do I get him to notice ME and not a bimbo?
Leeann
Dear Leeann,
This is what you do. The next time you want to get your boyfriend's attention, put on your sexiest bikini, put your hair in pigtails, and light up a More 120 cigarette. Straddle his lap, undo him, and go for it.
Hope this helps.
Rocco
Dear Rocco,
My boss keeps yelling at me at work, even for stuff I don't do. I try real hard and even offer to work after hours. I tell you, it has me so stressed when I come home at night, my boyfriend has even noticed it in the middle of his World of Warcraft game. What should I do to make it an enjoyable job again?
Paula
Dear Paula,
This is what you do. The next time you want to get your boyfriend's attention,..Read more >>
Climax, OH—Popular porn star Bambi Lace returned to her summer, part time job at Digital Visions Studio, where she provided technical support during her eight-hour shift of diagnosing problems, troubleshooting software issues, and repairing people's computers, servers, and DVD players. "I wish people would back up their data more," said Lace, putting the final screw into a DVD machine while wearing a sheer top that accentuated a skimpy bikini top. "A scratch can ruin your valuable media, and I for one hate it when my porn vids are unwatchable." Lace deftly untangled power and ear bud cords while smoking a cigarette, saying she had a server rebuild to do next. "Hard drive. God, I like the sound of that," she cooed.
“Look, pal, I ordered the JUMBO shrimp, got it? Not this small shit that you sent me. What am I going to do with this?”
The party organizers around the pool stopped and stared for a moment and I felt embarrassed. But if this party was going to be a hit as planned, I had to have everything just right. I paced along the pool in my white robe and cursed the hot sun already.
“OK. OK. Just get them here, and I’ll even tip the driver if he hurries. Bye.”
I let out a sigh when I folded the cell, but all in all, I was happy. It was all going according to plan; I couldn’t complain. Pool: check. Food: check. Booze: check. Babes? Too early to tell on that one, Roc, but if your fake Italian accent won them over, they’ll be here. It seemed to work on Margaret and Sky the previous year and I’d improved my techniques since then. The hotel gave the thumbs up when I gave them the thumbs down on any teens seeing the debauchery planned.
Love 'em or hate 'em, here they are. Do they work? They work enough!
"I'm gonna call you 'Trophy Bass' 'cuz I don't know whether to mount you or eat you!" Mark B.
"I've got the F, the C, and the K. Now all I need is U." Mark B.
I
was at a dance and after getting turned down by several girls I asked
to dance, I finally added, "so I guess a blow job is out of the
question?" Mark B.
"Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?" This one's good. It's never actually gotten me into bed, but it never fails to make me laugh. Mark B.
"Do you work at Subway? Cus you're making me a foot long!" Mark B.
"Is your cell phone Cingular? Cus you're raising my bar!" Mark B.
If a girls asks you, "Do you have the time?" You say, "I dunno, do you have the energy?" Mark B.
"Let's play Lion and Lion Tamer. You open your mouth and I'll feed you the meat!" Mark B.
"How Do YOU like your eggs? Poached, Scrambled, Fried, or Fertilized?" Mark B. **sidenote** this one got me a hotty in bed once.
At the office copy machine: "Reproducing..Read more >>
(1) WITTY AND CHARMING: This is after
one or two drinks. The tongue is loosened and can yet remain in step
with the brain. In the "witty and charming" state, one is likely to use
foreign idioms and phrases such as "au contraire" in place of "Now way, Jose," or
"Bullsheyet".
(2) RICH AND POWERFUL: By the third drink, you begin
mentioning the little 380 SL you've had your eye on down at the
Mercedes place.
(3) BENEVOLENT: You'll buy her a Mercedes, too. It's
only money.
(4) JUST ONE MORE AND THEN WE'LL EAT: Stall tactic.
(5) TO
HELL WITH DINNER: Just one more and then we'll eat.
(6) PATRIOTIC: The
war stories begin.
(7) CRANK UP THE "ENOLA GAY": "We could have won in
Nam, but..."
(8) INVISIBLE: So this is what the Ladies' Room looks
like.
(9) WITTY AND CHARMING PART II: You know, you don't sweat much
for a busty girl.
(10) BULLETPROOF: Bull-sheyet, gimme them keys, I can
drive.
It's said that Jimmy Page wrote this at the beginning of Led Zeppelin's band, when his girlfriend made him pick between her and the group. She lost, we won. It makes you think of past loves, doesn't it?
Then as it was, then again it will be
Though the course may change sometimes
Rivers always reach the sea
Like stars of fortune
Each has separate rays
On the wings of maybe
Down in birds of prey
Kind of makes me feel sometimes
I didn't have to grow
But as the eagle leaves the nest
He got so far to go
Changes fill my time
Baby, that's all right with me
In the midst I think of you
And how it used to be
Did you ever really need somebody
And really need 'em bad
Did you ever really want somebody
The best love you ever had
Do you ever remember me, baby
Did it feel so good
'Cause it was just the first time
And you knew you would
Turn the eyes and I sparkle
Senses growing keen
Tasting love along the way
See your feathers preen
Kind of make you feel sometimes
Didn't..Read more >>
1. Taken I'm not a big Liam Neesen fan, but this movie was so much like James Bond coming out of retirement, I had to see it. Taut thriller. That's it in two words. Women will like it, too.
2. New Computer Finally, after many years and much frustration, I built my own computer and ditched the piece of shit one. This thing is vastly superior to the other and I am getting in the habit of multitasking on it. I already have experience doing that with sex.
3. Out Of The Wild Discovery Channel show where they drop 9 people into Alaska and tell them to have fun. The series just started and promises to be good. I wonder if Zemanova would go there with me?
4. Rope Here's some more advice from Rocco, guys. A rope harness is a dirty, sexy little secret that women love. I used it recently and the chick liked it so much, she wore it for hours. It doesn't have to be tight or painful. Tie her cha-chas, and while you're..Read more >>
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